Love Languages
I know I dont want to beat this subject to death, but after listening to the comments, I believe a little discussion on communication is necessary.
I am a believer in the book called "The 5 Love Languages" By Gary Chapman. In it he talks about different "languages" that we must be communicated with to feel loved. They Are:
1. Acts of Service
2. Receiving Gifts
3. Quality Time
4. Physical Touch
5. Words of Affirmation
Which one do you think is your love language you need to be communicated? Some people have multiple, but there is usually a more dominate one.
Thought up by Tmproff at 8:38 AM
11 People Talking:
I will go first to get the ball rolling. Initially, I thought mine was Quality Time. I really love spending time with family and friends. After looking back at my actions in the past few years tho, I've come to realize that mine is definatly Words of Affirmation. I need to hear kind words/compliments. Likewise, the opposite hurts the worst,such as people that say that they are disappointed in me or ignore me .
Of all of the languages, I feel ashamed to be Words of Affirmation...I think it's the most selfish.
That is a very good question. It has gotten me to think. At first I would of Words of Affirmation. What girl would not want compliments?! Thinking about it more it is Acts of Service. Words could be kind of shallow to me. I am a big believer of the saying "actions speak louder than words". When I say Acts of Service I mean little things. It is the little things that counts the most to me. They are more thoughtful. I also think Quality Time is important becasue it helps a relationship grow in my opinion.
Many people get confused and think that the love language that they use the most is the language that they need to be communicated with to feel loved.
For example, I absolutely love giving gifts to show I care. I love getting gifts, but I don't respond to it as well as I do when people compliment or pay attention to me.
I have had trouble figuring out my own love language...I lean towards words of affirmation or acts of service, but the bottom line is love is communicated to me when effort is shown. If your schedule is really busy and you take the time to meet me for lunch, that communicates love to me (even though it falls under quality time)... So what does all that mean? Perhaps I just dislike fitting neatly into categories defined by others....
I'm definitely a big No. 5, words of affirmation. Partly because I'm so hard on myself most of the time, and partly because I'm a huge people-pleaser (not a good quality, I realize).
The reason I think Words of Affirmation is the most selfish is because it's a one way road.
Giving a gift can be a reward for the giver. Quality time definatly goes both ways. Physical touch :D Um yeah..that goes both ways too.
Sometimes I put Acts of Service and Receiving Gifts in the same group. They are both rewarding to the giver (Servanthood).
I don't necessarily think words of affirmation is a one-way road. I thrive on opportunities to build people up. I love identifying unique and beautiful things in people and pointing them out. That being said, I definitely don't think you should be ashamed of receiving love that way, tmproff. You are very worthy of hearing and believing good things about yourself!
I think the church tells us to be humble so often that we forget what true humility is--a proper perspective of the relationship between us and God. That proper perspective tells us that we are loved and whole and valuable, not that we should put ourselves down unnecessarily. Live into who you are--a beloved child of God!
In the book, it gives a good way to figure out what your love language is.
Take any meaningful relationship you've had in the past (family, spouse, BF/GF). Try to remember something that they consistently did that annoyed you the most. Usually the opposite of that annoyance is your Love Language.
For example if you say "My Father never showed affection when I was a child and that really bothers me" Chances are, your love language is Physical Touch.
First off, if you like to have mathematical facts, try taking the quiz at http://selectsmart.com/FREE/select.php?client=5lovelanguages
(there's lots of ads, but scroll way down and you'll find it)
I took it a couple years ago, and it told me all about me. And it was actually really accurate.
My love languages (and these are all about equal) are quality time, words of affirmation and touch.
And I don't think words of affirmation is selfish either. Like, after seeing how important words are to God, and how necessary they are to who we are... I can't imagine a compliment being anything less than a gift from God. And if the creator praises his work, even through a human, who are we to argue? It's just our weight of glory to bear. It's huge, but wow, what an honor to convey it to others, and to have it conveyed to us.
What love language do you think is the most common?
I like mathematical facts too, so I just took that quiz and was kinda surprised that 'acts of service' was first on the list for me, followed by 'words of affirmation.'
And regarding those words, I think CnB and Ruth bring up some good points. Maybe saying positive things about someone else isn't a one-way street -- it brings pleasure to the encourager also. I know I like to encourage others; it makes me feel good. Even though it seems like a little thing I know words can be very powerful.
Galen, that's a great point that words are so important to God.
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