Red Light Green Light
I wish women had 2 lights on their head.
One would be green,
The other red.
The Green would signify "He is so HOT!"
The Red would flash for "I think not.."
Yet God did not create women that way,
So guys must make their move and pray.
Gather your courage, Enjoy the fun!
I've heard it's amazing when you find the right one.
Thought up by Tmproff at 8:35 AM
31 People Talking:
I've heard the phrase that women like to be persuded. It's a nice phrase, but I think it's hogwash.
A better phrase would be this:
Women like to be persued BY the man they're interested in AT the time that they want to be persued.
Being persued by someone you do not like creeps girls out, and poor guys dont know one way or the other most of the time.
I am a bit cynical about this subject. Just this week, I talked to a female friend of mine. There was a guy in her singles group at church...He was a great guy, loved Christ...But she wasn't interested in him, and he was asking her out. She finally had to send him a letter telling him that she wasn't interested.
I know this process isn't supposed to be easy. I know it's difficult for both sides of the coin.
I look forward to the day that a woman lets me persue her. I love thinking up creative ways for making a woman feel special. I am willing...I just need to find the right one.
The lights were a bit of a joke, but I do plead with all women around the world...give us a hint...we need it most of the time.
I can answer this one really easily! You touch them....it doesn't have to be anything sexual. A touch on the arm, even punch him on the arm.
It's not giving anything away, you're not committed to anything. I just have a good idea how guys think.
If you want a guy to notice you, do that and I guarantee he'll remember it.
Hmm on the one hand that seems so simple, on the other it seems somewhat forward. I don't know I think I would be too awkward to pull something like that off. :\
You are so right on this one.
I am surprised that a guy would be sensitive enough to pick up on this...I have noticed this in school aged children when the boy
hits a girl he likes and she hits him back (likes) or runs away crying (dislikes) all the way up to adults. All that is needed is a finger on the elbo or a pat on the back.The way God made our bodies to
respond to a simple touch is indeed amazing.
There is definatly a lot of truth to that Carry/Becky. But that just leads to the question:
If guys are supposed to be the persuers, who do we persue and who do we not? It's on the minds of 90% of all single men.
I have studied body language for many years. It is very very easy to see when a woman isn't interested. She might not be saying it with her mouth, but her posture is very clear.
It's not so easy to see if a woman is interested. Those signals have dual meanings most of the time. For example, she might have just had a really good frappuchino, and you can mis-translate that to attraction.
Aziner,
A really good way to use that technique of touching is in your farewells. Instead of the "safe Christian side Hug" that all Singles know and love, just go up to him and squeeze his arm and say "See ya Later!"
That right there is worth a million smiles or batting of eyelashes, or anything you can say to him.
I know this isn't fully true for all women, but sometimes I think single women try to attract guys by thinking they're other single women.
Women are masters of conversation. Not only can they have 3 at once, but they pick up on every nuance (Did I spell that right?). Guys are lacking in this Dept....
Remember, guys are physical, they react to physical things. We like to flex our muscles at the mirror in the morning!
if there is a guy that sees me act that way with a bunch of people he will not take me touching him as a hint that i like him... what now?
You need to try it before comming to that conclusion. Make sure it's sincere and not "awkward". He'll get the hint, I can promise you that.
Did you know that people used to think that tomatoes were poisonous? Finally to prove them wrong a woman sat on a pail and ate a dozen in front of a group of people.
What great dialog. You can tell
this is a very hot topic.
Tmproff,
You are quite correct about the frappucino comment. That made me laugh, though I realize that makes it pretty difficult for guys. But if a girl's eyes light up when you enter the room or say hi to her (a noticeable improvement in her mood even if she's already happy), it's probably more than the nice caffeinated beverage she just enjoyed.
I will take your arm squeezing advice into consideration, seems potentially unawkward. And quite useful actually because I definitely understand where Shauna is coming from too. I hug pretty much everyone I know, good hugs for the most part too not the side hug kind. So if I hug a guy he's not gonna know if I'm just saying goodbye or hey I like you. But this arm squeeze has potential . . .
"We like to flex our muscles at the mirror in the morning!"
That's cute, it made me laugh. :)
Hey, I flexed at the mirror this morning, and I believe it fainted.....just for a second.
haha I'm sure it did. ;)
Ok, so I have this novel idea for girls. It began when I stopped being able to read hints that girls dropped when they liked me (age five). No really it began when I got frustrated with girls who smile really big when they see you, and hug you, and squeeze your arm and ask you to walk with them places and all the hints that guys read. More than once, all of those "hints" has just been a girl really excited to have a male friend who isn't pursuing her. HMPH.
Ok, so here's the idea: communicate with words. Words are symbols for real things. If you like a guy and are interested, say "I really like you. And you can take it like that." Then he knows! Or wear a t-shirt that says, "Galen, pursue me." (Sidenote: if they guy's name is John, you may want to include a last name.) But regardless, just communicate! I find the whole Girl-Hints-By-Squeezing-Arm, Guy-Hints-By-Laughing-At-Her-Really-Bad-Jokes method of finding a mate really stupid. We're adults now. Can't we communicate?
Galen, I think you are missing a major factor here. Neither males nor females want to show their interest unless they know the other is interested as well.
Girls will only hint most of the time. Anything more and they would become the persuers.
Guys usually wont ask a girl out unless he knows there is a chance she'll say yes (at least in my experiences).
So what we end up with is 2 people that like each other that do their best to ignore each other.
I wrote a small poem about it called The Waltz...check it out!
I guess I've seen it work with the words thing, and I liked how it worked. There was the usual enjoying each other's company, and hanging out more often together. After a month of increasing friendship, she simply asked "What do you think of me?" And he simply replied that he liked her and wanted to date her and have her babies, etc. She decided to think about it for another month of hanging out, so that part was hard on him, but at least they knew what the other person was thinking. Now they've been dating for a year.
It just seems that if she had squeezed his arm instead of asking what he thought of her, and if he had just smiled really big or just made some generic "I think you're REALLY *hint hint* cool" comment, there would have been a lot of hit and miss following. Taking a small risk and opening it all up with words (her question was perfect, tons of room to move either way and all) really set their relationship on a good course. What's better, is that they still communicate openly today. That's the key to a strong relationship.
Do you know any couples who still use the hint method of communication? Doesn't it feel almost passive aggressive? The guy stacks all her makeup nicely so she'll get the message to clean it up, or the girl leaves the garbage can out to hint that he should take it out. Or there's always the cold shoulder and the spouse is supposed to figure it out. I don't like hints: I want to have an open relationship with my wife.
I'm speaking so strongly about this because it's hard not to. I've been hurt a lot by girls who hint, but don't mean it. Like you so awesomely noted about the frappachino, girls send the "I like you" signal when they're just really happy. So this is really close to my heart; I apologize if I come on too seriously. :)
Galen,
Sometimes I think you are too wise for your years. Though, at the same time it was you who said to me, "Guys naturally have to be the pursuers, and it's really one big catch-22 for the girls. See, if you don't give us some sign that we're on the right track, we'll stop pursuing, because we were raised to be polite and not just TAKE whatever we want. On the other hand, if you give us too many signs you look like you want to be captured, and are therefore too easy." (Don't worry kids I asked him if it was okay to post that.) So while I agree that open communication is really the best way to start off and maintain a relationship, clearly it's not quite as simple as wearing a "Galen, pursue me" tshirt. (That cracked me up btw.) :) Without playing games and without becoming the pursuer how does a girl show her interest? I must say I like what your friend did in asking. It is simple. Though at the same time it's kind of nice when a guy just puts it all out there and takes a risk. Yeah I'm sure it's hard and it sucks to be rejected, but it also sucks when no one will take the risk. And if it helps at all, while I am a touchy person, I am careful not to be touchy with guys so as not to give them the wrong impression. I hate to be misleading as much as guys hate to be misled. And honestly one of the best things a guy friend has ever done with me is sit down and "declare his intentions" literally. It sucked at the time because it did not go the way I had hoped, but in the end it has saved our friendship from a lot of hurt and confusion and it showed me that he really respected me as a friend and as a woman. So here's my question, if you think a girl is someone you would potentially like to marry, isn't it worth taking the risk and putting it all out there? If you can't see yourself taking a big enough risk to ask her out then how can you expect to be the man she trusts for the rest of her days and looks to for protection? And I'm not talking about asking out some random girl you meet because you think she's pretty, I'm talking about a girl whom you've gotten to know and think hey this could be something. And of course anything this important should be entered into with prayer and advice/encouragement from friends, especially if you have mutual friends.
Okay I'm done for now. Oh and that wasn't all supposed to be just directed at Galen.
To answer your question: if a girl is someone I could potentially marry, isn't it worth the risk to put it all out there. YES. Definitely. However, the timing is imperative. If I like a girl, and get to know her really well, and decide she's someone I want to marry, and then ask her out, IF she's not ready, it could destroy the friendship. It'll be harry met sally all over again. Because we all know someone who made the mistake of liking a friend. If he asks, and it falls flat, the friendship is often ruined, because it gets awkward. And if you have a beautiful friendship, possibly heading towards a beatiful marriage, but the guy makes his move before the girl has decided she wants him to make that move, that can all be lost. That risk isn't worth it.
This could be long...
So, I'll just sum it up by asking tmproff to marry me! (how is that galen?)
Okay, seriously, it is nice to have/read this discussion because it is so much a part of what life as a single Christian is like.
I do however, have my serious reservations about this arm squeeze plan. I was at my home group tonight and brought up the discussion with a room full of married couples....the guys almost completely agreed the arm squeeze would not give them any more affirmation. The girls almost entirely agreed they would feel uncomfortable pulling off this squeeze, because it would be a foreign form of their physical affection. Hmmm...
At a basic level, without involving feelings or emotions, it would seem as though just being forth right and open in your communication is the obvious answer. It just doesn't work that way, from either end, at the beginning. Except of course for the one example you gave...
Here is the real problem, we have a whole bunch of single people milling around the inside of the coat store who think maybe they might want to one day be in a relationship that could lead to marriage. If we could get these people out of the store, then I think you would see, tmproff, that out of the women left in the store all they really want is a Godly man who will persue her because he knows, whatever the cost, she is worth the risk.
Lets look at this from a different angle. If the arm squeze isn't the right approach, what would you do (I'm talking to the women here) to show that you are interested, and that it's ok for a guy to persue you. Thus, your green light is flashing :)
Okay, good point...what should girls do? I personally am a fan of the red and green light installation, as I think there are benefits for both genders.
To be honest, as I have had to think about your question tmproff, I realized that any of the answers I would have given would all fall under the catagory of "hints" and thus my awareness for the difficulty of the task before guys grew even more...so, I am willing to try the arm thing the next time I am given the opportunity. I will report back (but don't count on that being anytime soon!!!!)!
I am totally amazed at how much of a response this is getting.
The new patented "Tmproff arm squeeze" is only one idea. Get creative!
Guys are visual and physical. Thus we react to those things more than for example audible or emotional (yes guys have emotions, we just hate to talk about them most of the time).
If you are uncomfortable with the arm squeeze, I've always noticed girls that make eye contact.
I still think the touch is the best way, but between the 10 of us, I'm sure we can think of some other ways.
This doesn't just have to be about female hints. What are some things guys need to do to help women to see if a they are interested?
You make me laugh tmproff...with your patented arm squeeze!!!
Eye contact, definetely something girls use more intensely when interested (and I am not talking batting eyes or anything like that...) But would you pick up on that alone? Because my guess is if you are paying close enough attention to notice that, then you are going to pick up on some other hints....
As for guys, the thing that impresses me the most is when a guy does something that shows thought and effort. Show her you listen to what she says, and are willing to do something about what you learned from listening....does that make sense?
This is a wonderful dialogue!
Mmm yes listening and remembering something a girl says so you can act on it later is a very good thing.
I think for me it's most important that a guy who's not interested watch his actions. From that guy I don't want to hear that he likes my hair today. If my hair really looks that great one of my female friends will tell me & I won't get confused by her compliment. And most definitely don't tell me that you think I'll make a good wife because as wonderful as that is to say and a part of me loves to hear that, it really just makes me go home and think if you see that about me why aren't you interested in something more? And then really I just end up feeling worse. I think it's very important for guys and girls to watch what they say to people in whom they are not interested. Compliments are great, but in our over analyzation it becomes quite difficult to differentiate between friendly words and words of interest.
I agree with Aziner 100% about being careful what you say to a girl you are not interested in, and great examples!!!
I wonder what kind of things we girls might be saying that are confusing to you guys...
From that guy I don't want to hear that he likes my hair today. If my hair really looks that great one of my female friends will tell me & I won't get confused by her compliment.
Isn't that the same as when a girl hugs all of her friends? What is a guy supposed to think about that?
I think it's different. When a girl hugs her friends she hugs both guys and girls. I would daresay that a guy never tells another guy he likes his hair that day. Correct me if I'm wrong.
Maybe not a compliment about hair, but it's not too uncommon for a guy to compliment both guys and girls.
I love to give compliments! Especailly to women. Just as a flower will bloom when you water them, so will a woman reward you with a beautiful smile if you compliment them.
I compliment women I am not persuing or attracted to. It's just who I am.
I may get blasted in the Christian dating-sphere for these comments because they may sound like blasphemy if you're of the "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" philosopy, but I'm going to share anyway.
I think all of this is so muddled and confusing because Christians put WAY too much pressure on each other in the dating world. Now, I'm not saying that men and women should date recklessly, using one another for their own selfish desires--no.
This is just my opinion, but when men approach women the way aziner suggested, only pursuing her if he thinks asking her out could lead to marriage, it causes so much unnecessary confusion.
Then, even friendships between Christian males and females have to be called into question. As a result, women spend unnecessary energy scrutinizing their behavior with their guy friends... Is he being my friend simply to be my friend or is he using this front of friendship to size me up to see if I'm worth dating because I might make a good wife? If I touch his arm will that cause him to stumble? Sheesh, no wonder it becomes hard to read and give signals!
Yes, I think the purpose of dating is to help guide people toward finding the person they are going to marry. But when its lead into marriage is the ONLY purpose people see for dating, then I think the heightened pressure and intensity is what causes men to freeze up and keep them from taking chances. Of course it makes it more difficult for men to take a chance and ask someone out if they think that risk will undoubtedly have a lasting impact on their entire future...
When did a date become so much more than a date? What caused the stakes to be set so high?
How about this, men? Ask someone out BEFORE you've imagined her as your wife. BEFORE that intensely complex friendship (but is it more? could it be more?) can even be put into jeopardy...
Ruth: thank you for saying it. I think in western society having a boyfriend/girlfriend is as much a part of the life experience as eventually getting married.
Azina: I completely, cordially disagree with your compliment policy. I compliment all of my friends (including you), because there is far too much discouragement in our society, and not nearly enough encouragement. For you to say that people of the opposite sex should not compliment people they are not interested in, to avoid sending signals, does two things. One, it highlights my point: if a compliment is so rare that when we're complimented we draw conclusions about the complimenter's intentions, we're not complimented enough. Compliments should be frequent and intense, coming from all our friends, so that a compliment is NOT a "green light". Two: If we're not allowed to compliment people of the opposite sex, that cuts possible compliment sources by approximately half. That effectively (on average) also cuts compliments by half. That's unacceptable. Our friends our the mirrors by which we see ourselves; if our friends are not allowed to reflect back to us our good points, we'll come to the conclusion that we are entirely deplorable, which Jesus completely disagrees with.
And yes, I'm really passionate about this too. Far too many of my friends are sarcastic, and I'm trying to convert them. At Whitworth I lived in a community of positive people, and I was constantly edified, the way the Church is supposed to be.
PS. I have complimented my male friends' hair before. Girls are not the only ones who want to know they're physically acceptable.
I don't mean to speak for Aziner, but I took a totally different interpretation of her post. It is not that it is problem for guys to compliment girls it is more an issue of the "type" of compliments or the issues/subjects they relate to.
I am a big fan of increasing our compliments to each other, the genuine ones of course, but words are very powerful. And sometimes even the most genuine compliment can have an adverse effect on someone you intended to encourage and bless.
Just my thoughts on Aziner's comments...
Thanks Ashlee, yeah that's more of where I was trying to go with that comment. Though it is difficult. Complimenting people is of course great and really any compliment can be misread if we take it for anything more than face value. But yes I do still think that a person should try to consider how their compliment might affect the other person. Encouragement is very important, but so is wisdom. And as much depends on how you say it as what you say. If a girl walks into a room and you say hey you look nice and the people around you hear it, that's more than likely okay because then it's just like you're stating a fact that you think must be obvious to everyone and you just happen to be the first to say it. If you lean into her and tell her that she looks nice and it's a private moment between the two of you and you don't intend anything more by it than a compliment then that's not okay. Both will make her feel good, but the second one will have her overanalyzing things for days and I think we can all agree that does not bless her. Of course this is just a generalization. There are guys with whom I am close friends, but we are more like siblings to each other and we can pretty much say anything in any manner and it's completely encouraging and not confusing, but that is the exception. And of course these things go both ways, girls should pay attention to what and how they say things too.
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